The "R" Word.

"You're so retarded."

Every time I hear that word, it makes me flinch.

The other students, fifth graders, I was working with, noticed my reaction to one of their classmates using the word.

One was angry, he knew it wasn't okay to use that word.

The others wanted to know why. They honestly didn't know why it was wrong to use the "R" word. People use it so freely, so unabashedly, that they didn't understand.

It was an opportunity to show them why the word is hurtful, and why we shouldn't use it.

But it's not easy to explain.

"So, you guys know that technically, 'retarded' means slow, right?"

They did.

"And slow doesn't mean you never get something, right? Just that it may take you longer to get something."

I got some nods.

"So, say you're talking about a kid who is technically 'retarded' by medical terms - let's say the kid is 10. But maybe he's slower at developing than typical kids... so he gets what maybe a 5 year old would get. Did you understand when people were making fun of you at 5?"

I could see they were getting it by the looks on their faces.

"And by calling people 'retarded' when they do stupid things... you're basically saying that people that are slower at learning are just plain stupid. And they're not. They are just slower at picking up new stuff than an average person. And like I was saying, they get that they're being made fun of. And it hurts them."

It wasn't perfect. I feel like I could have done a better job. But for a small group of 5th graders, I think I actually made a difference.

Spread the Word to End the Word.  They explain it WAY better than I did - watch the video:

One of those days... or weeks...

Summer vacation has a way of waking me up.

I get to see the real 'dis' in disability.

I see the struggles that his awesome school deals with, that I am blissfully unaware of.

However well I think he is doing (and geez, let me be clear, we are SO far ahead of where I EVER dreamed of being!), summer, the 24-7 autism, feeding off each others' moods (we do that to an extreme)... it is difficult.

I happened upon this video (actually, I have it bookmarked, and watch it occasionally...). I absolutely adore it. 'Extreme Parenting' sums it all up nicely. It's just a reminder...

What he is.

There has been a lot going on in the autism community since the Newtown tragedy.

The best response I have seen is Autism Shines. If you have a chance, go scroll through the pictures and read about these wonderful kiddos (and some adults!). They are truly amazing.

It has me thinking... I know my son ISN'T a monster like the Sandy Hook shooter.

What is he?

He is an amazing brother. He loves his sister with all his heart, and if she gets upset, he gives anything to make her happy. Yes, they fight, but when push comes to shove he gives up his position to stop her from being upset.

He is the best son ever. He will ask me what's wrong if I look anything but happy. He cries when he gets in the least bit of trouble (and he is RARELY in trouble, he tries SO hard to be good). He is the first to apologize when he does wrong, and wants reassurance that 'Is okay?'

He is a good friend. When his best friend comes over, he only eats a snack if he can have 3 - one for him, one for his sister, and one for the guest. He gets excited when this makes him happy.

He loves his cat. They sleep together every night. He gives up his pillow for his kitty every single night and goes without.

He loves math, and is good without being able to explain his answers. He just knows.

He unapologetically loves pink. And unicorns. And poodles. (By the way, I've been learning some awesome things about autism since my rather depressing post here. I have more updates about that, but let's just say this is my favorite thing about autism right now :) ).

He is obsessed with beanie baby boos and Sonic the Hedgehog.

He loves the xBox.

He loves going places.

He misses his grandparents terribly, and gets excited about their next visit.

He is him. He says he likes his autism. And for that reason, *I* like it. Because it is him.

Lastly, he makes me a better person. I'm sure he has that effect on many people, but he has changed my life immensely. He has shown me what I want to be, who I want to be, and refocused my priorities just by being himself.

He is ours. Mine. He is him. He is my soul. 

Hello, 2013!

Usually I do a 'top ten of' list that covers the last year.

I decided not to do that this year. Mainly because it was a pretty darn rough year for us. I didn't want all of my top ten to be 'we survived ______'. We came out better for it, and we're doing great now, but it was tough on all of us!

Instead, I figure I'll go over my New Years' Resolutions. There's more than one of course.. what can I say, I'm an overachiever (okay, and the OCD means I LOVE lists, and it's a socially acceptable list! Woohoo!).

1. Be more involved at the kids' school. I've actually started on this one :)
2. Lose the last of my weight. I've lost 25 so far (yay me!), but still have some to go. I'm pretty confident that this one will be done by March. I love running, and am getting consistent with my workouts and my mileage is increasing.
3. Run 13.1 miles. I would say 'run a half marathon', but the truth is I'm not big on organized events. I like to decide where I'm going when I get there. It's just about the only thing in my life I'm spontaneous about, haha! I love the freedom of running alone and wherever I want.
4. Improve my health and my kids' health. I'd love to say my husband, too, but he is just about the healthiest person I know. Plus, he won't take supplements... Probiotics, vitamin D, multivitamins... I need to be more consistent with taking (and giving) them.
5. Be a better mom/wife/clean the house better/yadda yadda yadda. The obligatory New Years' resolution!
6. Learn APA formatting. This sounds absolutely absurd, but I suck at APA. And, of course, it's a big part of graduate school. This falls under a bigger umbrella of 'continue to work hard on my courses'.


So, those are my resolutions.

They're reasonable, doable and all make me better.

Here's to a better 2013!

So true.

Careful.

Ever since the unimaginable tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, I have been reeling. First, those babies. Oh my goodness. As a teacher (and future teacher in the public schools), I cannot imagine. I love my babies with everything, and I would protect them. Those brave teachers and sweet babies...

Second, the unconfirmed link and media speculation to the autism connection. Some media outlets went as far as to blame the tragedy on the killer's reported autism diagnosis.

Autism does not lead to violence. It's been proven again and again, autistic individuals are more likely to be the victims of violence than the perpetrators.

So I posted, "Autism is not a mental illness."

But here's the deal. While I did not intend to make the link (after all, our family is knee-deep in mental health diagnoses, JT has bipolar for example), it makes it sound like I'm linking all people with mental health issues to violence.

According to NIMH, 26.2 percent of Americans suffer with some sort of mental illness.

26.2 percent.

It is SO wrong to demonize in ANY way those with mental illness. 99.99 percent of them would never hurt anyone.

And as far as we know, the killer didn't have any diagnosis.

I know it wasn't the autism.

I don't know what it was. Why it happened.

But it's not fair to lay it on mental illness in general, when we have no idea what it was. It leaves the millions upon millions of Americans struggling with mental illness with blame they don't deserve.

We have to be careful. Just because it wasn't autism, doesn't mean we should divert the blame elsewhere just to divert it.

It was just evil. Plain and simple.

Special.

Last week, we had my little guy's IEP meeting. It was a re-determination meeting (our first 3 year re-evaluation, actually), so it was LONG. And draining. We went over so many tests, goals, accommodations, learning aids...

I learned a few things at this meeting.

First, I adore his team. The clearly love my son, and believe he will succeed academically and in life. They talk about his sense of humor, his intelligence, his strengths - non stop. They frame his weaknesses as 'not yet's' and 'we're making progress'. I left the meeting feeling like everything was good - and anyone who's ever been to an IEP meeting knows that isn't always the case.

Second, we have a long road ahead of us. I'm not talking academically, I'm actually talking about psychologically. The psychologist, when going over IQ results, told me he is 'acutely aware' of what he cannot do that his peers can do. He gets upset when he can't do something - calling himself 'dumb' or 'stupid'. On the flip side, he is immensely proud of himself when he does something right - he thrives on praise.

He's got a long way to go as far as speech and academics - really just reading, but it is so hard for him. I try to think about how that makes him feel. To know his peers can easily read a book, and to be unable to sound out a word. To hear his peers speak, and know that everyone else can keep up with the conversation but you can't. To understand (the speech therapist pointed this one out) that you are trying as hard as you can but you cannot produce the /f/ or /l/ sounds. Basically hear yourself say it wrong, despite telling your mouth to say it right. How hard it is to know you act different than everyone else, that everyone else is fine with those loud noises and sensory input.

Her point was proven a few days ago.

While visiting his classroom, I saw a picture of a little boy on a cubby that I had never seen before. I asked Graham if there was a new boy in his self-contained class he spends part of his day in.

"Yes, N is new. He's 'special'. He's 'special' enough to be in Ms. G's class."

He didn't say it in a positive way.

And in that moment, I felt my heart break.